Summer misses the old summer

I’m stuck in such an odd place. I could claim the case of a Lost Identity but that would honestly feel like a lie. I didn’t lose anything. Stolen is more like it. Stolen by “life”, like real life. The slow monotonous game board that has all the sudden became my reality. It’s as though I always pass go but never manage to collect the $200 or property around the board before I find myself right back at start. Maybe I should just feel blessed to not have to “Go to Jail.”

 

Sorry to start off on such a pessimistic note but I could say that has definitely been the record on repeat for me lately.

So many people are telling me the way I’m feeling is most likely my PPD and hormones going complete haywire after the baby (which most likely adds to the ways i’m feeling) but I, Myself know there’s much more to the story. Sure, Journeying into motherhood is a brand new stress of it’s own, yet a rewarding one. I can’t imagine being “Ky-less.” Playing the TEMPORARY housewife roll doesn’t help. some days every single minute is just so fucking predictable! I don’t know how some wish for this life.

I’m coming to that hole that I never thought I’d fall into. I told myself I would never become the one who settles for less than they feel they deserve but I’m finding myself settling more and more.

with so many things I’ve never got to do, Now they seem almost impossible. I’m either expected to be “Too grown, too responsible or too “fat” to do them.

My biggest fear is Dying without a life truly Lived and right now I am “living” under the invisible written rules of everyone but myself…  

 

 

 

 

r

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Summer misses the old summer

  1. I am so sorry you feel this Way! *hugs* at some point you have to put yourself first and make YOU happy. I know how hard that can be at times. I’ll be praying for you and I really do hope you figure it all out and live a life that you enjoy❤️

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  2. Hey when I had my daughter I didn’t want to leave the house. But I went out for her with her and honestly even though I went through ppd I thank God I have faith and that faith pushes you away from all those negative emotions. Depression is something everyone has but we all just need to learn how to control these feelings. You have been through a lot and your strength will help you get through

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  3. I know it’s easy to say from this side of the keyboard but it does get better hon. It’s all a matter of getting a set schedule and learning how to balance things. I’ve had PPD 3 times and it can be overwhelming at times but if anyone is built for pressure and came come out a diamond it’s you. Praying for you and hoping that God brings you solace

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